I had to go offline for the past three days. I felt numb and I didn’t feel like doing or seeing anything.

Thursday evening I was with my two friends for the first time since the break-up. It was weird… I didn’t know how to act or what to say. We had few glasses of wine and I left feeling lonelier than before. I know it will get better, but right now everything just reminds me that the relationship is over. We had some trips planned that would involve him, we talk about stuff of which he was a part, we talk about men and he is one… Every time something related to him comes up I just feel this knot in my stomach tightening.

It will get better once I overcome this phase of having to tell everyone who asks that we are no longer together. It still brings tears to my eyes, I can’t help it.

I went to visit my sister over the weekend. She wanted me to come to take my mind off things. She made me cry like 10 minutes after I arrived because she kept questioning me about my future steps. I know she means well, but this topic makes me so anxious that I was not able to hold it together. It was a quite nice weekend besides that. I got to see my long-time friend, we watched some movies and had pizza and beer. Sunday morning I lost it a bit, I cried and couldn’t stop it. I felt so hurt that I had to be put in this situation where I have no idea what is the right thing to do, where to go. Needless to say, it was quite a crappy day. I returned home in the evening feeling really down, just washed my hair and went to sleep.

I feel quite all right today. I decided I will not push it, I will focus on myself, on making me feel better and see where it gets me. I will hope for life to take me where I need to be, to people who I need to surround myself with.

It’s one week after the break-up and it didn’t kill me. It still very, very hard, but I am starting to see that one day I will wake up and be fine. Till then, I will selfishly do what makes me feel even just a small bit better to make this journey bearable.

Thank you for listening,

T.

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